So sleep was evasive last night...even with the ambien and scotch. I watched the entire first disk of the second season of Supernatural (with mixed emotions), and had a 4 hour conversation with Jason (my old youth pastor) that brought up a lot of old emotions. I hate how that man can see through me like he does....I swear he is psychic. He didn't let me bullshit, lie, or sugar coat the truth. He made me be authentic, and at the end of the conversation, when he knew every dark corner of my mind, he told me that he believed in me, and that he would go with me through this. Even after all that I have done...someone believes in me and is willing to walk this road with me.
I finally nodded off a little around 5, but kept waking up every 15 minutes or so. And when dawn came...it hurt....It felt like a punch in the gut, waking up, knowing that he hadn't just gone to work....that he was gone. I guess I will wake up that way for the rest of my life....But I woke up with purpose. I wrote down everything that Jason and I talked about...and the "Lessons I learned from Gary" part I. Sorry to ramble.....I just needed to vent a little. Thanks again Connie for listening....I'll see you a little later.
I'm learning to keep nothing to myself...so if you have a question...ask...I'm tired of pretending.
Ta mo chroi istigh ionat
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